I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
