Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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