It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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