Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
BRING THE BAGELS
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
