over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
