i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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