the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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