the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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