i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
