Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
