YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
