If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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