man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
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