i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
