Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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