Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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