I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
