you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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