i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
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