I can't watch pbs sober anymore
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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