I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
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I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Randomize