I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
