I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
