I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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