My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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