dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
