Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
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