had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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