I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
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Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
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I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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