Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
