That's when you crack a 10am beer
I forgot how hot balto sounded
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
