I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
