I think I am morally bankrupt
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Randomize
