He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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