he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
