the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
