It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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