I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I think I am morally bankrupt
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
