i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
