I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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