if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I will be naked everywhere
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
