it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
