So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
