Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
