Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
