My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
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i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
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So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
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