So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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