Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
