No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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