1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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