The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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