I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
