My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
