Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
