i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
