drunk tastebuds have low standards.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
