I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
