It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
