Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
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